I can't believe it's been nearly 3 months since I last posted some news. Things have been buzzing since then.
First of all, I have had a lot of acupuncture - about an hour every one or two weeks. Jason is really good at it. My breathing and energy have dramatically improved, and on February 8 I had another echocardiogram. It showed that my ejection fraction had improved, but only to 25% (where the heart efficiency norm is between 55% and 70%, and doctors are concerned when it is below 40%). It was still up from 20%, when I first got sick, but I didn't think that was much of an improvement.
So on top of the regular acupuncture, I fasted a few times - between 18 and 36 hours at a time - just to give all the organs a rest. I changed my diet some more, adding hemp hearts and spirulina, and I gave up alcohol for Lent. I learned some breathing exercises, which are supposed to massage the diaphragm, spleen and heart from below, and I did some gentle training with weights. And all the while, my friends were saying prayers for me as well.
The time came for me to see the surgeon about whether or not I was a suitable candidate for an implanted defibrillator and CRT. He didn't feel that echocardiograms are as accurate as the MUGA test (which is a nuclear medicine test, using technitium, a radio-active element), so that's what I had a couple of weeks before my appointment with him. The result was an ejection fraction of 41%! My new regime and all the acupuncture had kicked in, and I had made major gains! I knew it was going to be a good score because I feel so much better, but that kind of increase actually gets me out of the danger zone, over that nasty 40% line.
Well, I proudly went off to the appointment, and told the surgeon what I had been doing to improve things. He basically said it must have been a mistake because I could have got that much better that fast! It kind of confirmed the stereotype of the western doctor (and a surgeon at that, who fixes things by cutting and stitching) discounting the benefits of Chinese medicine. He ordered another echocardiogram, so that "apples" would be compared with "apples". Frankly, I don't see why it makes a lot of difference how the heart is photographed, whether it's by sound waves or by radiation glow - surely it's all in how you measure it, and how good your math is. Anyway, after THREE doctor/technician experts looked at the photos, they decided that 31% was probably more like it. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall - I am certain they bargained between them - "No, I don't see how it could be so high - suppose you re-drew the line like this - how would that work out?"
Personally, I don't care - I know I feel 150% better, and I am going to get the defibrillator implanted on or around June 18. It will be a pretty cool computer - a pacemaker to regulate the heart rate, a defibrillator poised to fire if the heart stops suddenly, and the CRT will make the left ventricle fire at the same time as the right, which will give it a major break. It has been working a lot harder than the right ventricle all these years, and maybe the CRT will allow it to recover even more. So - I am going bionic!
Here is a picture of the kind of thing I am going to have inserted below my breast bone. It is about 4 cm long!
The second thing is that I have booked my show. It will be called Affairs of the Heart, and it will be in Guelph at the Greenwood Gallery, opening during the first week of January 2013. I have a lot of work to do - about how amazing a heart is, and about things and people that I love, and about all the questions that still remain. Stay tuned!
The third thing I have tried to do has been quite hard for me. I have tried to be a more loving person, because I am positive that has something to do with a healthy heart. Alice Hay and Gregg Braden might agree with me too!
I was reminded the other day of the writings of Adler and Dreikurs I read when I was a new parent. Adler said that all behavior was goal directed. We learn to do what gets us what we want. For example, if a child always gets what he wants by whining, he will continue whining-type behavior as an adult. If he always does what he is told because he gets beaten up by someone bigger than him, he will learn to beat up people smaller or weaker than him when he wants them to do something - i.e he will become a bully or a very disciplinarian type of parent.
Adler also said that you can’t just change the way you feel
about something but you can change the way you behave about it, and that a
change in feeling will follow. For example, if I really dislike someone, I can’t change
the way I feel, but if I can be nice to that person or “act lovingly”, that
will actually end up changing the way I feel about him/her.
The thing is that you have to do it with absolute sincerity.
People, especially children, will see through a false sincerity. The only way I
can say something sincere is to believe it, and for me to believe it, it has to
be true. So, if I dislike so-and-so because she is a gossiping busybody, for
example, but I have to learn to work with her, even like her, I have to say
something nice to her that is a) true and b) kind. Like “I really like it that
I can come to you and find out what is going on. You are an unending supply of
information.”
So that's the other thing I have been doing. I try to banish every judgmental or critical thought I have and instead say something positive about the situation. The funny thing is that people have been saying I look a lot better! "When did you get so bouncy?" "Boy, you must be feeling good." Who would have thought? And people who I thought were really unlikeable - one in particular - have turned out to be quite normal people. Who would have thought they'd change so much?! I guess it's a miracle.
